If advertisements haven't hammered it into your head already, Thanksgiving is gonna be a liiiittle bit different this year. And although we may not be able to be with the whole family, we still have some of our beloved Thanksgiving traditions to fall back on—the most cherished of which is sucking on the string that ties the turkey’s legs together. Without further ado, here are five Thanksgiving traditions that will never be better than suckin’ on that good ol’ turkey string.
1. Watching the parade & dog show
The television event of the year, the ultimate double feature: the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade followed immediately by the National Dog Show. Both of these are the sole reason to get up before noon on Turkey Day, but the only reason to stay up is for a chance at that perfect little string, soaked in the meat juices and just begging to be slurped up.
2. Giving thanks
Ah, the titular Thanksgiving activity! Everyone goes around and says what they’re thankful for this year—how lovely, how sweet! But it's not nearly as sweet as that scrumptious bit of twine that hog-ties the turkey. The true purpose of the string escapes me; all I know is that without the string, the turkey itself is without purpose.
3. Splitting the wishbone
Once the bird is finished, and there is nothing left but a carcass, your siblings may search for the wishbone, hoping to compete with one another for the prize of good luck. Fools! While they fight over a superstition, the grand prize sits right under their noses, freshly cut, freed from the turkey’s legs and ripe for the suckling. Make a grab for it before they realize what they’ve missed!
4. Watching football
After cleaning up the kitchen and packing up leftovers, it’s nice to sink into the couch and turn on the annual thanksgiving football game. The winner of the game is yet to be revealed, but the winner of the meat string sits smugly, twine in mouth, suckin’ away for hours and hours until every bit of flavor is extracted.
5. The post-meal nap
This may coincide with the aforementioned game, as the tryptophan from the turkey starts to kick in. Give in to the sweet pull of sleep, and let yourself drift away into a food coma. Unless you lost the turkey string at dinner, for now is the perfect time to sneak up on the sleeping winner, wrench open their jaws, and pluck the string from their greedy mouth. Time is of the essence—take it, before all the flavor is gone!
Comments