Halloween is, for many, a holy time. The tradition of passing on STDs to the stranger in the most revealing outfit is threatened this year by the global pandemic. As champions of America's freedom of religion, we here at the Misnomer have concocted 13 COVID-friendly ways to utterly raw dogged while staying safe this All Hallows' Eve.
Go as a full body condom (Bonus: Use white latex for that spooky spirit look)
Bring a second condom for your respiratory system
Wear a hazard suit with an unzippable crotch
Pray real hard
Hold a black cat above your head and recite any line from Halloweentown
Inject bleach into his penis
Like 10 of your racist aunts facebook memes to gain immunity
Forward this article to 4 friends in the next 24 hours
Wear a jack-o-lantern as a facemask
Do it doggystyle to maximize distance
Only sleep with people who have a six-foot penis
Take candy corn for birth control
Use a witches broom as a strap on
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