“The redcoats are coming! The redcoats are coming!” These historical words still ring true today, as they were yelled over Bascom Hill by our very own Becky Blank. After these words yielded warning to the rest of our student body, swarms of fades, flows, and headache inducingly tight ponytails cascaded down Bascom Hill in their iconic wardrobe: cardinal red and the revolutionary fashion statement of knee length Under Armor coats.
Now, do not fear. These student athletes are quick to spot with a trained eye. Simply look for a blaringly red, dress-length coat high-tailing it through campus. They may be accompanied by a pair of AirPods, a moped, and their favorite armor, a black athletic backpack. Do not be afraid to approach them, since they are most likely on athletic scholarship and may easily be outsmarted. Take caution as to not approach quietly, as their air pods may mask any sound other than the ludicrous beats of rappers with sexual assault alligations.
Hear ye, hear ye! Alas, the student athletes are back in their jolly red coats.
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