“I’m a Big Fan” Says Large Spinning Device

MADISON, WI – During a lecture at the Brogden Psychology Building students were shocked to hear someone other than their professor talking about nonsense. 

“It just came out of nowhere, the professor was talking about something I don’t really remember, and all of a sudden I heard it! ‘I’m a big fan’” Jimmy Finger told the Misnomer. 

Indeed, as the students looked for the source of the sound, all they saw was a large spinning device on the ceiling.“It really freaked me out because I have a spinning device like that in my apartment but it doesn’t speak,” said Maggie Toes. 

These large spinning devices are commonly found in many buildings, but until now, no one has ever heard them speak. Multiple people from the UWPD, engineering experts, physicists, biblical studies majors, biology graduate students and even John Investigator were called to investigate this phenomenon, but they came up with nothing.

“I don’t really know what to say. Our research has given us nothing! It just appears to be a large spinning device” said John Investigator, “I’m not quite sure how or why this creature spoke. Is it possible we’ve discovered an alien living among us?” 

For safety, the entire building has been quarantined until forensic analysis is returned. Experts have advised the public to remain calm, to not engage with their large spinning devices, and to report any suspicious large spinning device activity. 

“I don’t feel safe in my own home anymore. My child has one of those large spinning devices in their room,” said one crying mother while shaking her child. 

It seems that even though authorities have tried to quell the fear that the citizens of Madison are feeling right now, the uncertainty about what the large spinning device said has really hit them hard. Cult activity relating to the large spinning device has increased dramatically and posters for “large spinning deceive worship” have appeared in several locations around campus. Hopefully answers will come soon, but for now, the people are left clueless and fearful of the large spinning device.