In the midst of what people are calling Madison’s worst housing crisis ever, we wanted to focus on some unheard voices in the housing discussion: landlords, building managers, and the wealthiest students on campus. While many students may claim that soaring rent is making Madison increasingly unaffordable and the demolition of parking garages and Madison businesses to create luxury apartments goes against the interests of students, we wanted to get the stance of those who truly understand the market, those with money. After all, who better to weigh in on this situation than those who own most of it? As it turns out, the problem isn’t as bad as you think!
“As a sophomore with a Tesla, I don’t get why people are making such a big deal about this. If you can’t afford your rent at Lucky’s, maybe you should pull yourself up by your bootstraps and stop buying Starbucks,” said Buck Money, a Sophomore with parents who are LOADED, “Did you know that if you don’t buy a $5 coffee every day for a year, you can save twenty thousand dollars per year?”
“Sure, we raised the rent by 80%, but you’re getting more amenities in your luxury apartment! It’s only an hour drive to campus and there’s a pool in the basement! We want to offer as much as possible to students because we truly care,” mentioned Landon Oner, a landlord who owns several properties in “downtown Madison.”
While these perspectives may seem jaded and harsh to some students, it is important to keep perspectives open, so the Misnomer chose to reach out to some “financially disadvantaged” students, who’ve found a method to afford their rent at Lucky Apartments.
“Yeah, the five of us decided to rent out an apartment at Lucky’s so we could split the cost of a studio so it would be a lot cheaper. We all each pay 400 bucks and that’s not that much in the grand scheme of things. We really don’t get why so many students are complaining, you just have to find something that works within your budget,” said a gaggle of freshmen living in Lucky Apartments. Notably, when asked about how often they cleaned their apartment or showered in a week, they declined to comment.
Now, I know what you’re thinking, five people in one apartment in Lucky? Don’t worry dear reader, we contacted Steve Brown Apartments after to let them know about a breach of lease so that these thugs can be evicted. There’s no free lunches for anybody, everyone should play on a level playing field, and if it’s tough, well just pull yourself up by the bootstraps! We also wanted to get the opinion of those who are creating the apartments we love, the property developers.
“Look, there are plenty of options. Maybe try the sidewalk off State? There’s plenty of room there. People these days, there’s no housing crisis, it’s just an exclusive opportunity to appreciate the best living conditions this town has to offer. Sure the housing market has competitive rates, but that’s how you know Madison is becoming a big city,” commented property developer, JD McCormick.
So there you have it folks, clearly there doesn’t seem to be a “housing crisis” as you all claim so fervently. Why not stop worrying about how you’re going to pay rent and call up Mom and Dad? Ask them for $2000 a month to stay in some of the premium apartments that Madison has to offer. It’s much easier and they’d do anything for their children, including spending tens of thousands of dollars a year for their delightful financial liabilities. If they say no, really dig deep and ask them if they even still love you anymore, and how you miss the days when you were their sweet angel. Make sure to cry too, you really have to sell it. After all, why settle for cramped quarters or questionable roommates when you can enjoy marble countertops and rooftop pools?