My friend Jessie walked into her apartment on Thursday night thinking she’d be home alone ‘cause her roommates usually go to Brats and get hella sloshed that night, but boy oh boy was she wrong this time. I could’ve told her that Becky would be in the kitchen skyping her fucking scumbro boyfriend Jared again, but Jessie was so sure that she was gonna be able to have some quality me-time to drink chai and ugly cry. And when Jessie doesn’t get me-time, we all suffer, so now this bitch Becky is legit pissing me off too.
It’s all she ever does, like, does Becky go to class? No. Does she have a job? No, but I guess Jared’s gonna start an apprenticeship producing edm music soon so they’ll tooootally land on their feet. Forreal tho, they’re like legit gonna starve. Whatevs.
I mean like the girls need to know if Becky’s gonna live with them next year, and Becky keeps dodging the topic, and we all know it’s ‘cause she secretly wants Jared to ask her to move in. But everybody knows he isn’t gonna. Jared can’t even commit to an idea for his neck tattoo, how can he commit to Becky? Like dragon or 666, it’s not that fucking hard dude just choose.
Jessie’s fed up and like, I get it. Nobody wants to listen to Jared’s edm beats over skype in the living room when the rest of the girls are just trying to watch Bachelor in Paradise. Maybe if Becky watched with the show with the girls she would understand what a real relationship is like.
Until then, I’m gonna stand up for my girl Jessie. We’re gonna facetime next week and talk about how stupid it is that some people still use skype. Jared and his little Motorola z3 are gonna be so embarrassed, it’s gonna be totally amazeballs.
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