Hey guys! You know who it is! Today, I have a craaaaazy question for you. How should I end it all? I really need your help on this one; she’s quite the doozy. I’ll explain some options, and then I’ll make a cute little poll for you to vote on. There will also be a prize for one lucky subscriber after the deed the done, so make sure to smash that sub button! I’m not going to tell you what the prize is, which makes it so much more fun. The lawyer will probably tell you, though. I think that’s how wills work… Anyway, let’s get to it, peeps!
Option one: Go out doing what I love. If I only had one day to live, I would spend it streaming for my loyal fans! I would love this, because I would be surrounded by all 200,000 of my best friends. If we go with this option, I’ll let all of my fans decide how I do it. It could be part of a makeup tutorial, and trip to the zoo, or just a classic overdose. I think that with the right elements and a little bit of pizazz, we can reach a Logan Paul level of hype. All I ask is that you be creative. You think this channel will ever be mainstream? Over my dead body!
Option two: Take the system down with me. As I have said a gazillion times before, the government is bonkers! Who’s right is it to tell me that I can’t do nude yoga in a Subway? It’s my body, people! Also, just so people stop asking, it’s because of the Powerade. Simple as that. As I was saying, it would be totally chill if I could bring the government down with me. So, for this option, I would walk into my local post office with an explosive vest ready to go. As soon as one of those blue collar, package peddling fuckers asks how they can help, BOOM. Sorry, Amazon customers, you’ll have to wait a couple extra days this week. Prime? More like slime. Get it? Cause slime is slow moving. Viscosity, bitches!
Option three: Make the national news. This is something that I have always wanted to do. The news is so full of Trumped up bullshit, melting ice caps, and mass shootings. I, for one, am sick of it. By it, I mean the mass shootings. Not the fact that they are occurring, but the fact that every single one of those bastards has ties with Isis or some sort of mental issue. I think it’s about time a chill pickle like me shows a group of unexpecting citizens who’s boss. If you don’t know where this is going, buckle up fuckers. I am gunning down an entire mall. Nordstroms, Macy’s, even Auntie Anne’s. Nobody is safe, especially not myself. Just like they say, the wrong guy always dies last. Plus, it could totally be the next Tide Pod challenge.
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