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Op-Ed: Why isn't it 5 in the pink?



I’ve been thinking a lot about Valentine’s Day coming up and what I’m gonna get for my girlfriend, and I think somewhere along the way I came across a dope philosophical question, so I thought I’d share.


Obviously I’m gonna fingerbang the shit out of her as like 50-75% of the gift, cause I’m basically the greatest boyfriend ever. And she fucking loves the way I do it, makes her scream every time. I don’t do that stupid foreplay shit, she likes it when I go straight for the punch. 5 fingers, sometimes 8, ramming into that pussy. It drives her wild. Like brink of tears pleasure bro. You gotta try it.


But anyways, I was thinking about the saying “2 in the pink, one in the stink” and I’m just wondering what fucking dumbass came up with that. He probably never had a girlfriend cause 2 fingers is some weak ass game. Gotta step that shit up. I’d give my girlfriend 10 in the pink if I didn’t need to use those last two fingers to rub everything else except for her kilt or whatever that’s called.


And “one in the stink”? What does that even mean? Dumbass guy was not woke at all. Whatever, anyhow, if anyone wants to be a bro and send me an idea for the other quarter of her gift that would be dope. Oh but I’m not going down on her, that’s fucking whack, so anything but that.


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